FATHERHOOD... PT II

'PROVIDE'

I was fortunate to hear a father brag about how he "provides for every need" of his family and how his kids go to the "best school in town, wear the best clothes and eat balance diets every meal time", the braggadocio concluded with "that is what a good man and father should do". These are really good things and indeed very rare to find a men who can flaunt that badge of honor confidently but I honestly think those are obligations and one ought not count those as achievements because "but if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his house, he hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel" (whatever definition of infidel you hold is valid here), so albeit a law/commandment for a man to "provide for his own", its context is often twisted. The word 'provide' comes from the dead language- Latin, providere, pro-before, videre-to see which literally means to foresee/attend to. With that definition comes a lot of implications and commitments, it means the man should have vision, he should be a kind of ‘prophet’ for “his own, and especially for his house" but that is not where my point is (at least not for this topic).

Men (gender insensitive, because some women are by one reason or the other, the men of their house so we are all in this, together) have so much based providing on ‘provisions’ like milk, bournvita, cornflakes, food, clothes, schools, houses etc. such that it is believed that once these ‘provisions’ are crossed out on the list we have 'provided' for our own (I will not know how that feels though because I am yet to have "my own" but I still want to clear the air on this). Now, let's say we've all ticked to the affirmative for all on the 'provision' checklist and the kids being provided for cause one pain or another or deviate from instructions, you hear things like "after all I've provided/done, all our efforts and sweat, they repay us this way or that way”. You see, we have attached so much priority to 'provisions' that we are actually not 'providing' but ‘buying provisions’.

As that man was talking, I almost asked what the favorite color of one of his kids is, or who has what allergies, who fought last and what type of friends they hang with both at the 'best school' and the 'classic neighborhood' but I got my answer when he said they are all grown and he "barely knows what any of them is up to, but such is life you know, they grow so fast and I am glad I played my part well". In essence, he knows nothing about his kids (he sounded bitter and sad which maybe because he got no return on investment as he expected). The mentally of ‘provide for them now, so that they provide for you later’ has eaten into fatherhood and family life on a global scale and as a result, a father sees his kids as assets and investments- a farm he will harvest later, and if the yield is not robust, then it is a 'bad investment' and if it is robust, the investment was a worthwhile, a good one.

Now, should kids give applause to fathers for ‘investing’ in them (which was originally an obligation/responsibility)? Or even credit them for doing what they signed up for before conceiving them? I don't think so. If you want to think I am not grateful for what I was 'provided' with, then be my guest but in the silence of your heart, outside their obligations and responsibilities (which by the way is somewhat a loan that must be repaid one way or the other) what providence did you get? A little percentage of the 21st century hold the bragging rights of being really 'provided' for and that remains within a circle which I believe can be broken if only we can learn what they know and practice, this circle understand continuity, they understand quality time, they understand that the devil is in the details so they attack from the tiny things to the largest, they understand communication and listening, they understand the difference in global change and dynamism so they become spontaneous and dynamic too, they see, hear, feel and know what times and seasons say concerning their kids, they foresee and prophesy into 'their own'.

In summary, as much as we ought to appreciate and be grateful to our ‘providers/investors’ for their provisions/investments (judging by what they know, earn, what they had to do to provide/invest and human nature), we have to start looking at 'provide' as a whole not just the material side. We have to start giving fatherhood a proper look and definition.